Don’t Worry it’s About Knitting


As I hold my needles,
my pikes,
my daggers.
I feel the thin threads pull against my fingers as I wrap them around the needle.

I stab one needle under the yarn of the other,
wrap the thread around the needle,
I’m practically choking it,
then I push the thread off of the first needle with the second.

A stitch has been made.
I repeat this motion many times,
eventually I finish the line.

The sheer repetitiveness of the motion makes it addictive,
it feels like I’m doing lines of a drug,
not stitching lines of yarn with thick needles.

I went too fast,
I dropped a stitch,
while the action is silent,
and no one notices,
I hear the stitch scream as it falls into the gap between my needles.

I can feel my heart stop as I see it happen,
it’s like everything’s in slow motion,
I slowly and carefully find the dropped stitch,
and I slide it back onto my needle,
I had just barely avoided disaster,
for if I had lost that dropped stitch,
my entire piece would have been ruined.

Nonetheless, I continue my task.
Stab, choke, push, stab choke, push.
Forever and ever.

The Wasp and The Rat

I have a pet rat, most people say that he is gross and is contagious.
I agree.
I hate him,
I haven’t even given him a real name,
I just call him D.

I also have a wasp, while much less noticeable than D,
he is still just as horrible, I just call the wasp SA.

D and SA are always together.
No one wants D’s lack of motivation and disinterest.
I agree.
No one wants SA’s constant buzz and stings.
I agree.

D doesn’t let me go hardly anywhere,
he doesn’t want to spread his disease.
I agree.

SA doesn’t let me go anywhere because he doesn’t want to attack.
I agree.

They keep me from having any thing that could resemble a healthy social life.
I agree.
That’s probably for the best, they’re probably right.
They tell me that I only annoy people and that no one really wants me around.
I agree.

I don’t know when D and SA first came into my life,
but they tell me that they’ve always been with me.
I agree.
I desperately want to try wasp spray, or rat poison,
but D and SA just assure me that it wont do anything, and that they’ll always come back.
I hesitantly agree.

My life has become nothing but D and SA.
My life has become nothing but SA and D…
my life has become nothing but SAD.
But I do not agree.

No matter how much D sucks the motivation out of me.
I do not agree.
No matter how nervous SA makes me.
I do not agree.

I will not let them take over my life.
I do not agree.
I will not let them force me to reject medication.
I do not agree.
They try to make me think of my self as simply worthless.
But I do not agree….

I cannot agree.

Because I am terrified what will happen if I agree but mostly, I am terrified what I will do to myself if I do agree.
and with this…I agree.